Breastfeeding – The Middle and The End

Once I was able to breastfeed without the physical pain, for the most part things went smoothly.  I didn’t have any other physical issues, none that you hear other women having.  I had some mental issues with it but I’m going to get to those in a different blog post.

I liked the convenience that if we had somewhere to go, we didn’t have to worry about bringing formula as long as I was there. I was the formula.  At first I did not want to feed her in public, covered up of course.  However after I did it a couple times I realized I didn’t really care.  I made sure it was discrete.  I made sure not to drink beer at the same time.

At first I was able to provide 100% of R’s nutrition.  I was producing enough.  Soon I tried to start pumping as well, in order to build up a supply for daycare, and that’s when I realized things weren’t as peachy as I had hoped. I did not produce enough to feed her and pump.  I went in to breastfeeding with the plan to 1)breastfeed for 1 year and 2)not supplement with formula.

In order to be able to provide milk for daycare, we made the decision to start supplementing with formula.   In fact it was my decision.  Husband was great through this whole process. He knew that I wanted to breastfeed.  He felt it was the best option but since it was my body he left the decision to me.  So when I talked to him about supplementing with formula once a day so I could pump, he didn’t argue. He felt it was a good idea. 

I couldn't help it, this one makes me laugh

For several months this went great. I would feed her during the day and then pump at her bedtime feeding, when Husband would give her a bottle.  Then I started back to work.  The way her feedings landed, I wasn’t nursing at all during the week, only pumping.  Soon my production started to drop.  One of the hardest days for me was when I fed her on the weekend, she was super fussy 30 min later.  We couldn’t figure out what was going on, so we gave her a bottle. She drank 8 oz.  She doesn’t drink 8oz at once. That was the first time I realized I could not provide for her and it was hard, very hard.  It got to where we went from providing all her bottles as breastmilk for daycare to only one bottle a day.  That was all I could produce.  I had to stop nursing her 100%, because I couldn’t produce enough for even one day.  So I was pumping 100% even on weekends.  Then I had the flu (or food poisoning) in December and production dropped to only 3-4oz per day.  After dealing with that for a couple of weeks I called her Dr. to see if there was even a benefit to giving her one bottle every other day.   I made the decision to stop.  I made it 1 week shy of 8 months. 

I am happy with my decisions.  It’s hard, I have some guilt, but I’m happy with my decisions.  I feel that I provided R with a very good foundation.  She had almost 8 months of breast milk.  She had 8 months to get the health benefits that are found in breast milk and can’t be duplicated in formula.  For that, I am happy. 

Breastfeeding – The Beginning

Yup..we’re going to start off February with a BANG!  Breastfeeding is a very touch subject and it’s one that I struggled with myself.

Even before I was pregnant I knew that I wanted to breastfeed.  I felt it was the right decision for my daughter and my family.  However I also understand it is not for everyone and I don’t judge people who decide not to breastfeed.

I did a lot of research on it while I was pregnant and I knew that it was hard and it didn’t work as easily as the movies make it seem. It takes a lot of work and effort from both Mom and Baby.  I was prepared for this.  I told myself that if it didn’t work right away, I couldn’t get upset and I had to keep trying. I knew it was going to hurt. I didn’t prepare my body for this, I had heard that doesn’t really do anything, but mentally I knew that it would hurt and I had to get through that.

Then the time came. R handled it beautifully. She had no problems at all. But boy did it hurt!!!!  I’m not talking about just latching on, I’m talking about the entire time she was feeding.  I had two different lactation specialists at the hospital stop by to help me.  They both said she was latched on correctly and the pain would go away.  It didn’t.  In case you aren’t ware, new born babies can eat for a long time.  R was a slow eater, it was 40 min or so per feeding.  40 min or so of intense pain.

About a week or so after we were home I went to a nursing mother’s support group. I asked for help. I didn’t get much help because, as the specialist there said, she was latched on correctly.  I tried different positions, I tried everything I could think of. I was ready to give up.  I was in tears every time she had to eat because it was so painful. Yet I felt so guilty because I knew I wanted to breastfeed her and I felt this was the healthiest thing for her.  Husband helped me out by just telling me to make it “one more day”.   I would spend my time breastfeeding at night watching video’s on how to latch on properly and looking at pictures and articles on the proper way. 

I was a new Mom and I was STRESSING out. 

Then one time she latched on, I played with how she latched on, and there was no pain.  That’s right. No pain.  Guess what, if she latched on the “proper” way, it hurt. If she latched on a “non-proper” way I had no pain.  What a relief! 

I knew I liked him for a reason. haha!

This wasn’t the end of my troubles, however. It still hurt soo bad when she did latch on. I was told it wouldn’t take long for things to get used to that and the pain to go away.  Guess what folks? It took a full 4 weeks.  I would cry just thinking about having to attach her.  We had planned to introduce a bottle during week 4 but ended up introducing it earlier because one night I just couldn’t handle one more feeding.  Luckily the hospital had given us a sample of formula so we were able to feed her and I was able to get a break. 

Yes, I knew there was going to be pain. Nobody told me the pain would last for 4 weeks though!  Now I tell everyone.  If they plan to breastfeed I let them know, if there is pain try playing with how they are latched on.  If it is super painful when they first latch on, give it time. It took me a good 4 weeks to not have any more pain. 

That’s just the beginning though, I had other issues with breastfeeding but I’ll save those for another day.