Frustration

I don't think it will come as a surprise to any of you when I mention how much I like to workout.  Even a bad workout is preferred over no workout.  It's not that I'm that vain and want to keep my body in the shape that it is, it's more that it's a huge stress reliever for me.  I don't usually have a lot of stress, but a workout can still be very calming.

So that's why I'm struggling with working out while pregnant.  It's not that I can't workout, because I'm still working out roughly 5 days a week.  The issue is that I can't do the intensity that I need.  As luck would have it, my relatively stress free life is currently very stressful (both home and work).  I'm nursing an injury so I'm not able to run, but I'm able to do a lot of cross training.  I'm spending my time riding a bike, swimming, and doing strength training.  All are great workouts.  It's not the same as running.  It doesn't calm me the same way.  To make matters worse, I have to keep my heart rate at 155 or below, which means I can't get in as tough of a workout as I would like.  I think this adds in a bit of stress.

To add to this, trail running is a huge passion of mine.  I had 3 trail races planned for this winter. Due to being a huge klutz and tripping every time I trail run and falling a lot, I'm currently not trail running while pregnant.   I realize that this is all for the best, seriously I do.  It's still hard to not be able to do something you love so much.  I live 5 min from the park I prefer to run at, so it's not even like I can avoid it.

Yes, I realize I need to watch my hear rate.  Yes, I realize it's best to avoid situations that I know would be harmful to my body.  Yes I'm still stressed out about it.  Yes I do realize how that sounds.  Husband and I dealt with infertility and it took 20 months for my body to actually work properly.  So feeling upset because I can't do the races I wanted to do and feeling upset because I can't trail run or workout to the intensity that I want is also causing a lot of guilt.  I shouldn't be stressed about it, I should be happy about it because of the reason why.  Yet, it's hard on me.  I wish it wasn't.  I kinda hope this is a normal reaction that people have, just being a tad upset but I feel like I'm alone in this.  Which causes more guilt. Which stresses me out.  This is a viscous cycle.

Finding work I like..is it possible?

As you may well know, I work in the IT (information technology) area as far as a job is concerned.  Mostly, I'm on the support end.  Your pc breaks or something doesn't work right, you call in a ticket, if the help desk can't fix it and you are in my department, I get your ticket and I take a stab at it.

(image from http://www.pcsupporter.co.uk)

Lately, I'm finding that I'm just not happy with this anymore.  OK, scratch that, I haven't been happy with it for awhile.  It's not that I've lost my love of computers and don't enjoy working on them, it's that I've lost the love of support.   It's hard to enjoy going into this job every  morning when chances are the majority of people who visit or call about an issue do nothing but complain about computers.  Or, my personal favorite, you call to see if you can come by to work on their pc or control to their pc and they don't have time.  However they complain about it for 5 min. and repeat over and over how they don't have time for it to be broken or fixed, and I know I could have fixed the problem in 5 min.  Where's the love people?

However because of this, I just don't know what I want to do.  It's so frustrating. I don't want to do anything with support now, even if it means I don't work with normal "users".

I'm sure you are saying..then change professions.  Do something else.  The thing is, I have no idea what I want to do!  I would like to stay in IT, it's a great field and I like it.  But what do I do?  Or if I change area's completely..what do I even go to?  

The other problem is that my b-day is in October and another year has passed and I just feel like I haven't accomplished anything in my life (even though the tiny voice in my head reminds me that I have).

So where to go from here?  How to move forward?

I'm planning to attempt learning a couple of programming languages, which would allow me to stay in IT but get out of the support side of things.  The only problem is that I've tried to learn Java before, it didn't go over very well and I flunked out.  I used to use HTML all the time when I first starting surfing the internet and loved it though.  So the plan for now is to attempt learning HTML5 and then go from there.  Wish me luck..I think I need it.  (and somebody please give me the kick in the butt that I need in order to actually start doing this instead of moping around.)

In the meantime, have any of you been in this same situation?  Were you able to change it?  How did you change it or if you haven't yet, how do you plan to?  Misery loves company, or so the saying goes, so that should mean I'm not the only one in this same situation right?