Some days we just need to cry

As you know from my posts while I was pregnant, I've been deeling with a lot of depression issues.  I had hoped once R was born and the hormones leveled out I would be ok.  That hasn't been the case. I had postpardum depression really bad.  I know a lot of those can be caused by the hormones but I also know a lot of it was just dealing with my issues, the same things bothering me while I was pregnant.   I believe most of the postpardum issues have passed however I'm still dealing with depression.  Even though I'm breastfeeding I had to admit the problems were bad enough that I needed help and went on medication. It's not something I'm proud of, it's not something I'm happy about, but it's something I had to do.

Postpardum depression or any postpardum issues, while you hear about them more often they are still very taboo.  Nobody wants to admit that they have trouble adjusting.  I don't want to admit that I have trouble adjusting.  Yes, I said have because I'm still having some issues.  I plan to do a series of posts just talking about some of my issues.  Not only does it help me to talk about them but I think it will help others to realize they aren't alone.  

So lucky readers, are you ready?  You better be. 

Lifestyle change - why?

I didn't have this blog last year so I can't link to a post where I talked about the changes I planned to make.  However I wanted to talk about the changes I did make and reflect on how I did.  This is the first post regarding my lifestyle change.

Let me give you a bit of a history lesson on little ol' me first.  Growing up we always had chips in the house, but not a lot of chocolate or sweets.  When we did, it wasn't something we could just eat as we wanted, we only ate it in moderation.  We had soda in the house but us kids weren't allowed to drink it unless we had pizza for dinner. Soda was something my Dad drank.

Fast forward to when I'm a teenager and have a job.  I would buy junk food and soda and candy, etc. I would eat it all. Fast forward to when I moved out of the house at age 20, the soda and junk food and candy consumption got 10 times worse.  I had stopped being active but didn't gain much weight so I didn't see the point in changing how I ate.

I did try to kick the soda habit over the years but was never successful.  I would do ok for a couple of weeks, maybe even a month, then it was back to drinking a 20oz every day at work.  The problem was that deep down I didn't see a reason to stop. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I loved the taste of it.

Then in November 2009 I stopped cold turkey.  The thing was, I finally thought of a reason why it was worth it and I decided a lifestyle change was in order.  While I had gaining some weight due to not working out (injured) that wasn't too big a deal, heck I was still considered "normal weight", the other reason was.   I had hopes that Husband and I would be starting a family soon. I knew that whenever that happened and whenever I became pregnant I would want to eat healthy for the baby.  I knew I couldn't stop all my horrible eating habits at once, but I could focus on one and then when that was under control I could focus on another.  If I did it this way, I had high hopes that by the time we decided to start a family, my eating habits would be under control and I wouldn't have to change much for a pregnancy.

Once I decided this, things seemed to fall into place for me (as far as eating goes anyway).

Stay tuned for more posts regarding my lifestyle change....don't want to put it all in one post because it's too long, so instead I'm going to be doing a series of posts.  I hope you enjoy!

I don't comment on the sh*t you eat, don't comment on what I eat

I don't know if this just happens to me or if this is something that happens to others who eat (mostly) healthy and are fit.

I take my lunch to work 99.9% of the time and I usually take my lunch break around the same time.  This means that the same people are in the lunch room with me.  Some of these people feel that it's appropriate or fun or something to comment on what I eat.  I get the "Eating healthy today?"  or "Oh...that's not on your diet" or, well, various other comments most of the time.

Sometimes when I'm at somebodies house and sweets are around and I ask if I can have one, I get the comment "That's not part of your diet."

These comments are not made lightly, there is a bit of a mean under tone to them.

Here's the thing, I eat relatively healthy.  I made the decision November 2009 to change my eating habits in order to be healthy. I did not set out to lose weight, I didn't really have a need for that. I decided a lifestyle change was in order (don't worry a post about that is coming soon).  I went from eating chips and drinking soda almost every single day to only eating that stuff once a month (as far as soda is concerned) and a couple times a month (as far as chips are concerned).  I eat salad 3 times a week, normally.  This is mostly out of convenience than anything else.  Sure, I like it. If I didn't I would eat it. But it's also cheap and healthy.

I tend not to talk about my eating habits with most people. I know they don't care and some of the changes I've made aren't for them.   I certainly don't talk to those who comment about my food choices about it, unless asked.

So why these people feel the need to comment on what I eat, is beyond me.  I don't like it. It makes me mad. One of the ladies that does this is extremely over-weight and doesn't eat healthy.  I'm thin and eat healthy. When she comments on my food, I feel like looking at hers and saying "Are you going to eat that? I don't think you need it" just to be mean (but I never will). I don't care what she eats, that's her decision, her body, her life. I don't feel it's any of my business.  Yet, she feels the need to comment on mine.  Go figure.

Another thing that happens to me a lot is that people tell me I can "afford" to eat something.  I love sweets, love chocolate and candy.  Part of my lifestyle change was to limit that. Some months I do awesome, some months I don't do so well.  When I'm offered candy and sweets I try to resist. Normally when I resist, people tell me to eat it and that I can afford to eat it and that it's not going to hurt me and that I need it.  Well, I get angry. I usually just laugh it off but inside I'm pissed.  If I ate all the candy and sweets I wanted to, I would be over-weight.  Part of why I'm thin is because I don't eat all that (ok..and I workout).

I really, really just don't understand why my weight and what I eat has to be the topic of conversation with people that I'm not friends with. It's really none of their concern.  All these people know I work out and they see me eat a lot, so it's not like they are concerned I'm not eating or have an eating disorder or am unhealthy about it.

The thing is, they feel it's ok to comment on my weight and my eating habits, however if I decided to start commenting on the eating habits and the weight of people who were over-weight, they would get upset with me and I would be "mean".  Yet when they do it, they don't see it as being mean.

I'm tired of it. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep my mouth shut.

Why is it ok for people to comment on the weight of those who are thin but it's not ok to comment on the weight of those who are overweight?  Ok..stepping off the soap box now.