My running, my workouts, are very important to me. I have a lot of anger issues. I have a lot of issues with depression. I have a lot of issues period. Running and working out does help me with these issues. I know that if I had to give it up, it would be worse for me than dealing with the guilt of continuing to do this even though it means not always being their for my daughter.
Husband and I came up with a plan on how I could get in my workouts with minimal disruption to the new life. This means that I am often up at 4am in order to run. This means that if I do go to the gym after work, I pick R up from daycare and put her in the gym daycare. This means that Husband is on baby duty for several hours every Saturday while I do a long run. This means that I take her to the gym daycare for 2 hours most Sunday's. This means that I often get in strength training after she goes to bed at night.
|This is what happens when you can't|
see where you are going at 4:30am
4am comes very quickly. I admit that I don't sleep the best. I can have nights where I only get a couple hours of sleep. It's not due to R, it's insomnia and recent health issues. I have other nights where I want to go to bed at 7 and sleep all night. I have mornings where getting up at 4am is the last thing I want to do. There are other mornings where I naturally wake up around 4am and am ready to go. Either way, actually getting up to run at 4am is incredibly hard. It would be nice to lay in bed for another 1.5 hours.
Running at 4am comes with it's own issues. I recently fell because I tripped on an uneven sidewalk. Falling and skidding on concrete sucks. The bruise on my thigh and the scratches on my shoulder and leg are horrible. However I continue to get up and do it. It's also very dark when I run. I live in a relatively safe area that I'm comfortable being out there, but it's still a bit scary. You don't see too many people out and about at that time.
I continue to get up and run at 4am though because that means I have more family time after work. That's important to Husband and I. In order for me to continue to do what I love I have to find a balance between that and family. This is my balance. It's hard. It's exhausting. I walk around in a daze a lot. I'm not saying this will work for everyone, but it works for us.
Some people have questioned the fact that I take R to the gym daycare. Don't I worry about her? Can't Husband watch her? I feel guilt because there is usually one day a week that I pick her up from daycare, where she's been since 6:30am and immediately take her to the gym where strangers are yet again watching her. Yet I know that deep down it's ok.
The gym daycare is awesome. I don't mind dropping her off. The set-up is very safe and the people there are wonderful. Whenever I pick her up somebody is holding her. Sometimes they don't want to give her up and try to convince me to work out longer (I can use the daycare a max of 2 hrs per day). Sometimes when I drop her off I'll ask if they want me to put her in a swing or if they want her. Usually the person is excited and wants to hold her. I have shown up at the daycare to pick her up and the person working the desk is holding her and when I comment on how content she seems, they have told me how much they love this baby. This is before they scan my card and realize she is my child. I've taken her often enough and normally at the same times that it's usually the same people watching her. So I feel even more comfortable now because they recognize me and are comfortable with me.
|Soooo not a good photo of me, but this happens at least|
once every weekend..my only chance to get a nap is to get
R to sleep with me. And I need my naps. ha